Welcome to Death's domain.

deaths_domain @ 2005-07-20T21:30:00

2005-07-20T20:32:22Z

In my hands, good fortune
Caress my equal with slightest touch
The sound of your voice keeps me still
And i'm sorry i avoid your questions

I'd never falter now that we're even
Explain why you will
Take while you can it's never even
While we lay still
I'd never falter now that we're even
Explain why you will
Take while you can it's never even
While we lay still

A place to run, it's colder
And peace of mind takes its own time for us
And in the same breath we argue
And it MUST be a sign of closeness i guess

Why do i feel like this? Drugs.
What do i not want to do? Drugs.
What do i want to do? Drugs.
What makes me so depressed? Drugs.
What makes me cut myself? Drugs.
What makes me so desperate to die? Drugs and No band.
What makes me not do it? No balls.

I cried today for the first time in AGES. And i cried for no reason. To find out what this no reason was then all you need to do is ask but no one does. I have learnt what you give you dont recieve back. Life's a Bitch. This may not make sense because i am adding things in random places.

I want nothing to do with drugs. I want nothing to do with anyone apart from people who are willing to help me. I want someone in my life who can understand me but no one does. I want people to talk to me because i miss people i used to be friends with. I miss everyone. Yet again what you want and what you get are two different things.

Take what you can its never even
Why I lay still.

deaths_domain @ 2005-06-29T09:32:00

2005-06-29T08:24:40Z

Broken Circle Stats

Formed:	29th June 2005
Split:	26th April 2008
Best Album:	'Freebies Liminal Elver' 8/10 in the NME (Album of the Month January 2007.)
Best Single:	'Wrestler Besots Triangle Effigies' 9/10 in the NME (Single of the Week 29th March 2007.)
Records Sold:	1,243,241 in total (485,537 albums, 757,704 singles).
Reputation:	Cult
Groupies:	To call incinerate_ a slag is akin to calling Robert Mugabe a cunt with slight mental problems.
Other	deaths_domain spent most of 2008 hiding from angry fan's who earnestly threatened to capture Broken Circle's founder and beat them around the head with a wet fish.

Broken Circle Member Profiles

deaths_domain Although they have their critics on both sides of the Atlantic deaths_domain's vocal talent is one Broken Circle's' strongest assets.	dead_incarnate Although prone to the odd bum note onstage, dead_incarnate more than compensates for this through their cool temprament and professionalism.
ig1234 When ig1234 started out in Jun 2005 they couldn't handle any more than 2 strings at a time, now after a long period of dedicated practice ig1234 is finally beginning to master the bass.	bovicide bovicide has come on leaps and bounds since the band's formation in Jun 2005 and is now considered to be one of the most underated drummers in the country.
my_secret_smile If my_secret_smile steps up the practice a little bit by limiting the amount of time that their finger remains up their asshole they have a chance of becoming a capable musician.

Single Releases

#	Title	Date
23	Artsier Behoving Briard Legumins Blets	Aug 2005
19	Pandied Node Vocals	Nov 2005
15	Argol Haling Currier Harems Gaga	Dec 2005
13	Dewlap Refrains Sensors Zincite Deeply Yogas	Feb 2006
2	Wrestler Besots Triangle Effigies	Mar 2007
2	Railhead Hooligan	Jun 2007
1	Chintzes Lensed Mycoses Causals Nave Kicker	Aug 2007

Album Releases

#	Title	Date
23	Aduncate Masklike Dipnet Secreted Hysons Moonbows	Jun 2005
1	Freebies Liminal Elver	Jan 2007

northern ireland's worst

Recap.

2005-06-15T20:22:06Z

Well hello strangers. Time to update my journal. I had a great weekend over download so i'm going to highlight the bands and the times i had there. They were great. From getting stoned on the first night and meeting random people, getting on the dogems when they were turned off and making a 'Mosh pit' out of dogems by pushing them into eachother with somone steering was fun. The TOXIC FUCKING MASSIVE drink. Which was carling, vodka, tomato soup, beans, a tea bag, sweets and toffee. If you drank lots of this you got TFM (Toxic Fucking Massive) on your arm. I had a 6 man tent so everyone was crashing in my tent. Twas fun. Right here comes the bands and ratings!

Friday:

Flogging Molly: First band i got to, didnt hear much of them.

Fozzy: CHRIS JERICHO!!! Fozzy ruled and were worth seeing.

JJ72: Got bored of these so went and ate a double cheese pizza instead.

The Others: HOW POOR ARE THESE. The vocalist was doing sniff on stage.... gay.

Biffy Clyro: Didnt really like them going into the festival but they are growing on me. Good performace live though.

Inme (Chosen instead of Megadeth): Were amazing, really were one of the highlights of the festival. Still as great as they were before!

MCR: Were good live and Gerard had new cool short hair but still looked cool with it and to top it off wore a bulletproof vest.

Garbage: Excelent even though sound was shite. Good way to leave the stage before a headliner.

Feeder: Suprisingly i thought they were very good. Grant got a lady from the crowd to wave a welsh flag on stage (hes welsh before you wonder why) good performance!

Saturday:
Got up late due to the drinking and smoking so missed Trivium.

The Dwarves: Were shit. Only thing that was ok was the ammusing naked guitarist in a mask. lol.

Mad Capsule Markets: Totally blew me away. By far one of the best bands of the festival. Pits were awesome. Got a BIG bruise on my shin for going crazy in these pits. (The ammount of dust there was there was really fuckin annoying.)

'A': Went for a burger.

Bowling For Soup: Put on a great show with classic songs and new songs. Got the crowd going and even inserted a banana into an inflatable sheeps arse which was hilarious to watch. One bad thing about download was the security = all Chavs! Bowling for soup were doing in between song surfing and i thought fuck yeah ill crowd surf and got told by a securichav that if i did that again i would get chucked out. lol.

HIM: COMPLETE AND UTTER WANK. He looked like a 40 yr old paedophile with his new shorter haircut and his new found weight gain made him look fat.

Velvet Revolver: Suck. (Apart from slash)

Chimaira: Amazing pits again. Had my first wall of death and it hurt. This is where the lead singer parted the crowd in to two parts and just got everyone to run at eachother and pit. Was awesome!

In Flames: Missed them!!!!! To see velvet gay.

Black Sabath: Being honest it was great to see Sabath but Ozzy kept forgetting the words and couldn't sing some songs. Although it was Sabbath though which is kick arse anyway.

Sunday:

Mudvayne: Great music and sounded so good live, made me want to go listen to them some more.

Papa Roach: One of my favourite bands and they lived up to my expectations. Amazing live and interacted with the crowd well. Pits were ok.

Killswitch Engage: Got 2 of their albums and they still are amazing to listen to live. He can sing as well as shout. What i think is perfect in a lead singer.

Nightwish: Were 40 mins late so only played 4 songs but were good anyway.

Slayer: Too many 40 yr old bikers in the crowd lol. Couldnt see most of the concert but sounded ok from what i heard.

Funeral For a Friend (Secret Band): mmm They are good but not as a secret band at download because download is meant to be a metal festival. Seeing as last years secret band was Metallica they had a lot to live up to and were ok but slipknot were on at the same time so i was there.

Slipknot: Were amazing live. The pits were the most crazy i have ever seen. There was this seriously fat dude who looked like 40 stone in the pits. It took us 2 people to knock him down and 4 to get him back up lol. In 'Spit It Out' Corey made everyone sit down in the crowd and he did a build up before the chorus and shouted 'JUMP THE FUCK UP' and everyone jumped up and started moshing crazily. Also JOEY! his drum solo was amazing. drums were chained to a platform and joey was made horrizontal and span round while drumming. Amazing. Slipknot even took off their masks for 2 songs. Which has never been done before so it made it extra special. Another wierd thing is that it started raining at the beginning of Duality and then the rain stopped just after the end. And im not joking it was like Hailstones for only 4 mins. Wierd.

System: First song they played (B.Y.O.B) the sound was all wrong which was a shame but it got sorted out after that and they played a good set. Was hoping to stay at the front for the pits like i was at slipknot (The band before them) but my mate thought he had broke his arm moshing so i helped him to first aid and turned out he only bruised it so we went back but couldnt get close, it was packed. Got started on by a old bald guy cus he pushed my arm as i was goin past and i pushed back, that was fun.

Sunday night was the best though because i sat on the little football pitch in the middle of the market (had proper floodlights and goal (5 a side size) and small fences around) at 6 am drinking with 2 random irish people and then gettin bundled because people couldnt play football around us.

Download FUCKING ruled. Deff going next year. Was worth every penny.

Reading will be good as well. Alkaline Trio (!!!!one!11!!), NOFX (Creams Pants) and Bad Religion! Thats a great lineup. I cant wait. If its half as fun as download it will fucking rule.

Moving on...

2005-03-10T10:34:45Z

Ok i wont have the internet at home anymore because i have moved out so updatage and msn will be rare. I'm living in Laindon somewhere with Josh, one of my best mates. i cant thank him enough for helping me out.
The place where i am living is at the bottom of a garden. His parents have a HUGE house at the top of the garden and im living in a bungalow at the bottom. Its quite big its got like 3 beds in it and kitchen and shit in it. Have to go back and get my Xbox soon though and all my other clothes and trainers as i nicked joshes. Was funny last night, joshes brother and me got so stoned sitting outside. We were like thinkin we heard his dad walking down like every 2 mins. Funny. Then watched Life of Brian. Trippy. Im working more in college now and hope i can continue. Its so cool to be out of there though, i hated it. All the nagging but i will work now.
Funeral yesterday, one of my mates from junior school's dad died suddenly from a heart attack was well wierd. He once got my step dad stoned. lol. pwn3d.
nah was very sad. Have to ring him more often.
Have to go to reading and V and Glastonbury with Dan! need to get paid again.
So pissed off i couldn't go out yesterday. But ive changed now and i look forward instead of backwards now. I never try and be depressed and want attention on purpose, if i am i keep it to myself and not try and get attention. But i hate people like that now, that just want attention

Peace! bruddah!! :)

~x~

Sux

2005-02-24T20:59:39Z

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - California pop-punk trio Blink-182, famed for its practical jokes and disdain for clothing, has gone on "indefinite hiatus," with no plans to work together again, its Geffen Records label said Tuesday.

Well this sucks. Blink have split up. How gay. I dreamt i met Tom last night and woke up depressed because i wasnt as important as him to anyone. Plus he didnt let me have a guitar.

~x~

</div>

deaths_domain @ 2005-02-14T16:36:00

2005-02-14T17:21:33Z

Yes, or No..
-You keep a diary: Yes. Suprisingly enough a LJ and im updating it now
-You like to cook: Lol does Pizza count?
-You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: Yes
-You're in love: I don't know.
-You set your watch a few minutes ahead: mmm i should.
-You bite your fingernails: nar
-You believe in love: Yes.

Who is...
-The prettiest person of the opposite sex you know: I dont look at it that way
-The weirdest person you know: Either Josh, Lisa or Me!
-The Loudest Person you Know: Yet again Josh, Lisa or Me!
-Your close friends: Lisa, Josh, David , Graham
-The Person that Knows the Most about you: erm Graham or maybee Lisa?
-Most Boring Teacher: Mrs Heinink i agree Daryl! even though i dont go to coopers anymore

What is...
-Your most overused phrase on IM: OMFGOFTD!!11!1!!
-Last image/thought you go to sleep with: Nothing really i find it hard to sleep
-Your best feature: None.
-Inside joke: OFTD!!

Do You...
-Take a shower everyday: Every day
-Think you've been in love: Yes
-Want to get married: Uh huh
-Have any tattoos? NO! :( but i want to get a couple
-Get motion sickness: Sometimes
-Think you're a health freak: Nope
-Get along with your parents: Most of the time

What Do You Think of when You See the Name...
-Ryan: Fox whoever he is?
-Rob: a guy i play football with
-Drew: Barrymore
-Stephanie: {Tapson} monkeys
-Heather: Spanish person
-Aaron: cousin
-Amy: brown art
-Paul: Dikov
-Eve: Just watched xXx so she was in that
-John: Wierd Paedo offspring dude
-Alex: My best mate from primary school
-Justin: dick head
-Jamie: is nothing.
-Ricky: Goulson!
-Jack: Dent

Screen Names: 5150:
Sign: Libra
Natural Hair: Dark Brown.
Current Hair: Brown with blonde bits
Eye Color: blue with orange ring around pupils

Your Favorite...
-Number: !!1!!1!
-Color: Purple
-Day: every day is shite
-Month: July
-Song: Queens Of The Stone Age - Millionaire
-Food: Spaghetti Carbonara
-Season: Summer but i love rain.
-Drink: Water
-Veggie: Carrott or something else

Preferences:
-Cuddle or Make Out: Cuddle or both
-Chocolate Milk or Hot Chocolate: WHITE HOT CHOCOLATE!!!!
-Milk, Dark, or White Chocolate: WHITE
-Vanilla or Chocolate: Vanilla

In the Last 24 Hours, Have You...
-Cried: Yes.
-Helped Someone: Have no idea
-Bought Something: Yes.
-Gone to the Movies: No.
-Gone out for Dinner: No.
-Written a Real Letter: Yes. But then ripped it up.
-Talked to an Ex: No
-Missed an Ex: No
-Written in a Journal: Yes.
-Had a Serious Talk: No
-Missed Someone: Yes
-Hugged Someone: Yes
-Fought With Your Parents: No they are away
-Fought With a Friend: Yes

Alphabet. Boredom. Music. Idea.
A: Anarchy Burger - Vandals
B: Born in the U.S.A - AFI
C: Cure Eclipse - 36 Crazyfists
D: Do Or Die - Papa Roach
E: Evil Eye - Ash
F: Followed The Waves - Auf Der Maur
G: Give You Nothing - Bad Religion
H: Have You Ever - The Offspring
I: I Will Be Heard - Hatebreed
J: Just Like Heaven - The Cure
K: Killing In the name of - Rage
L: Los Angeles - theSTART
M: My Reply - The Ataris
N: New Pain - Static X
O: Outlaw Torn - Metallica (S&M Version Title is 'Outlaw Torn')
P: Photograph - Weezer
Q: Quiet Things No One Knows - Brand New
R: Re-Birth - Ill Nino
S: Shine - Hundred Reasons
T: Take The Reigns - Tsunami Bomb
U: Uptown Girl - Have no idea.
V: Vitoligy - Pearl Jam
W: Way Away - Yellowcard
X: X - System Of A Down
Y: You Are The Government - Bad Religion
Z: Zoos - NOFX

I finished the alphabet go me.

Have i waited to long?

2005-02-12T07:13:34Z

Well i am listening to New Found Glory at the moment. Despite what anyone says. They rule. and im sure people like Daryl will agree with me. So whats going on at the moment? Nothing really, have a free house so had a couple of people round last night. It was one big stoning party. Meh im in the morning now!!! lol how bad of a use of english is that? lol. Well i am cold, hot and tired. Music blaring in the background rules. Parents aren't in so im playing it at half volume!!! *giggle* im bad! lol. You knows it....
Work in around an hour NooOoOoooOOOooOoooOooOO!1!!!1!! b4d pu11. Its going to either be a good day today where i sell loads or a bad one where the managers get pissed off with me. I dont know why they do. Im such a good employee. obviously... Well i think thats it for the time being. I really want to start updating more!! so i will! i say that everytime i post. But i will!!!!! i promise!!! nm anyway no one wants to hear me rambling on!

Jamie
~x~

Have I waited too long
Have I found that someone
Have I waited too long
To see you
I've had so many chances
Turn my back and I ran away
I've had so many chances
To see you

deaths_domain @ 2005-02-04T12:16:00

2005-02-04T12:18:39Z

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay

To think i might not see those eyes...

2005-01-04T09:41:02Z

Well, updatage. Haven't updated in ages and i feel the need to. Last week was cool i had Graham over and we just played xbox most of the time. It was ok. I just felt he didn't want to be there. He seems to be getting more unconfortable around me for some reason. I don't know. Maybe its just me. I still have to give Clo, Kate, Lisa, Dan and David their christmas presents which is a bit belated but oh well. I can't talk to anyone anymore. I don't feel comfortable around anyone to speak to them. I don't know why. I hide my emotions anyway.

I missed my parents funilly enough. They were in France for a week for some trip thing. I was on my own for a couple of days. I need to be in college by 12 today which i shall. I have English Language first which is interesting but i need to give in a commentary which haven't done. I feel so tired and lonely. I spoke to clo on the net yesterday that was fun and it lifted me. She is cool. I miss everyone at coopers. Haven't seen david in a while, he was coming round new years but Ruth was on her own and he can't leave her, i totally understand. I shall ring him soon. Lisa's party, or well her mothers party is on friday, i have been invited but i don't know if i will go because i won't know anyone there apart from Josh. I have no plans for any nights this week. Also no plans for next week. Oh football i do have to go to.

I was going to go on about whats wrong, but i really don't feel comfortable with even writing it on here, because... meh oh well. Doesn't matter anyway. Need to ring Clo and Kirsty tonight, she must think i have been ignoring her but i am just so tired i am lethargic at the moment and i have to drag myself out of bed to go to college. I will talk to Lisa today, she is a happy person see if some of her happyness rubs off on me today. Green Day, Jimmy Eat World coming up soon. Both will be great i am so looking forward to seeing Green Day - One of the best ever bands. With David and Lisa as well. Can't go wrong there.

Anyway i better be getting ready, i will update more often now.

Jay
~x~

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

It's been a while...

2004-11-26T00:12:54Z

Since i could hold my head up high.

Tonight has been great, another 3-4 hour chat with Kaci, she is cool. Have so much in common, humour, music and everything. I'm kinda happy now. More than i've been recently. Like I she has low self esteem as well, we both hide behind facades/ego's. Well its nearly five past twelve now and i probably will get a drink of water and then go to bed. I feel as if my eyes will shut at any minute.

Ok i shall go now.

Jamie
~x~

Thanks.

deaths_domain @ 2004-11-25T18:00:00

2004-11-25T18:54:44Z

Today has been GREAT to say the least. (Yet again the use of sarcasm)
Im kinda ok at the moment just very tired. All my muscles ache.
Played football yesterday it was ok. After that i got the train home and i ran for about 4-5 miles i think because i was just annoyed and i thought i can run so i did and i felt ok. Speaking to someone on MSN who i haven't spoken to in ages. Well i am lying on my bed at the moment listening to NOFX trying to get happy so i can feel good about something. Im constantly depressed and i don't want to sound all melodramatic because im just saying what i feel. I don't want attention. I just wan't helpful advice or something. *Reaches out for help* well isn't that obvious. Meh.

Anyway singing is getting better. Can nearly scream now. Which is great.

*1 hour later*

Just been afk cooking dinner. Pasta. I have decided after New years day i will be a vegetarian.
My stomach is hurting even more now i don't know why. Probably because of something i have done earlier this year for a long time, Only one person knows.

Well here i am, lying here. Oh how beautiful would it be if somone was here. The pain, the tears, the cuts. They will all go away when i find the person who i am looking for. However they will stay until i have found that person.

Jamie
~x~

A new age of reason, brings treason to trick the mind.

2004-11-22T22:12:56Z

What good is searching if there is nothing left to find?

Well as you can see updating twice in one night for the second time in a row, Wow.

I am always tired. Always. Plus im always bitching. How horrible am i! Well life sucks and i shall probably update tomorrow.

I went round Dan's house today it was cool. We jammed, fitted a DVD-ReWriter and i borrowed every episode of 'The Young Ones' amazing!!! He owes me! i used 10% discount in PC World for him. Biatch.

Neil Young rules. I learnt how to play 'My, My, Hey, Hey' on guitar it sounds cool.

Im off now.

Jamie
~x~

I know i'm not broken.

2004-11-22T22:03:02Z

Today was CRAP. Sarah wanted to 'talk' to me. I had to do something. It upset her and i hate hurting people so i should be (Cant think of any word). Well apart from that i am crap anyway. Spanish is hard. Aparently i 'Cant be bothered' according to my tutor. Yeah ok when its too hard. Lisas hair looked cool today (deserves a mention!) even though she will never read this. And before you ask David, we are only friends.

Well why can't somone caring and nice like me. Instead of a man eater. It really brings me to the conclusion. Why does she like me? I have nothing special. I am crap. I am ugly. I am horrible. I am alone. Sometimes i just wish i was invisible and other times i wish i was noticed by a few people.

Also shows how loved i am. All of my old friends went to Chaz's party as well. And the hermit. = Everyone has forgotten about me as usual. I don't deserve an invite. It shows how much of a shitty crappy fucked up friend i am. Well not even a friend anyway.

Well I am always tired/depressed/lonely these days. Never a happy moment at the moment. However the brief encounter with Graham on IRC was fun. www.bash.org

Lonelyness is so degrading, it makes you believe even more its you. As i believe.

Jamie
~x~

Second Update

2004-11-21T22:22:40Z

Also forgot to say, Blink 182 coming up soon and i really can't wait. Will be so funny. They better tell jokes! listening to NY still and will be for the rest of the night. *yawn* tiredness now. Just have to download some music then i will be off

Out of the blue and into the black.

2004-11-21T22:10:53Z

"Its better to burn out, than to fade away. My, my, hey, hey."

Meh, i couldn't think of anything to start this update with so meh. Well again everyone went out on friday from my old school who were my best mates = Jamie no invite. Im annoyed at something or somone. I don't have a clue. i really don't know what to write. I am going to update more often i makes me feel a tiny bit better. Met some cool people recently, Dan (Well i knew him before but he has become a good friend), Kaci (she likes AFI! and is cool to talk to). Sarah sucks, thats all i am going to say about that. STOP STALKING ME! (and that i added). I have a new pasion of music, Dan has introduced me to Neil Young. Exelent is all i can say. Well life is shit at the moment as usual. Work is ok. College = meh. Why do i always have to feel alone? Even when people are around me i still feel alone. Everyone thinks im ok but inside i wanna scream. Oh well thats life. Life is shit. Friday night was good, stayed round Darran's (from work) and we just smoked and chatted for hours. My first great time in ages.

I feel alone.

So alone.

Jamie
~x~

I cut myself again, It was all for you...

2004-10-26T09:16:49Z

There is sadness in the reflection. One long look is all that it takes...

I have nothing planed for this week. Exciting.

Well today is the day i was meant to be meeting Lisa. For some reason we are not meeting up. I was speaking to her yesterday and she was really pissed off about people spreading lies about her. I tried to reasure her and talk to her and ended up explaining some of the things that had happened to me. She didn't type for about 10 seconds so i said "Meh can you say something when your back" and then she said "Lol im here, gtg now speak to you later." That hurt......

I tried ringing her last night to find out how she was and what time we were meeting up today but i didnt get an answer so i left a messege on voicemail just saying what time are we meeting up tommorrow and how are you. No reply. I also text her this morning just to see what time she wanted to meet up and so far nothing. Is it too much to ask? to find out what time we were supposed to be meeting up today?

I thought we could've had something from friday but obviously i'm not good enough as usual. Ive been hurt so much in my life the pain is becoming physical as well as mental. I have a constant stomach ache, headache and a lump in my throat. I put on a face so that no one can see what i feel on the inside. I need something to take away my pain. Its like a black hole is sucking all of what is me and my emotions and leaving me empty.

Today i will spend all day sitting in the familiar corner of my room trying to figure out what i have done wrong. If a car was speeding towards me today when i am crossing the road, i wouldn't move out of the way. I am worthless. I feel sick, so i will go soon and throw up my stomach, i haven't eaten since yesterday. I don't want to eat. I want to die.

Ive been through so much hurt in my life. All the people who i have liked have left me. If i could i would self-destruct and explode. Everybody will think i am stupid but i don't really care now. I am worthless as i have said before. People try and convince me otherwise and it works sometimes. But then things like this happen and i know she does have credit she got some on saturday.

I put on a face, i have mastered the art. Im already dead inside. Everyone thinks i am fine. Only a few people can tell. What is wrong with me? I keep asking myself. I come to the same answer. Everything.

I wish i was dead.

Just went through your eyes,
and the battle was fine.
Couldn't stand to see you streaming.
Now I realize that I might have been
part of the reason for your frowning.

And so I grey the heart and the shape,
that look that you gave, staring.
At empty help me back to awake.
And so I grey the heart and the shape.

Not the way I used to be, thankfully.
I was disguising a different matter,
now I engage in everything, infinity...

Help me back to awake.
There were sentences with no direction,
those are pieces that I put away.
There is sadness in the reflection,
one long look is all that it takes

Paranoia

2004-10-23T18:22:36Z

Well...... Im lying on my bed in my PC World t-shirt thinking alot. Weighing out possible situations.

Work today was ok. Sometimes work was fun. Selling Pc's to angry customers is so funny. Im sitting in my room now listening to music because i am tired again.

I am so paranoid, i don't know why. It has always been like this. I like somone alot but i put it into my head that they won't like me after a week or so and then go off with somone else. It always happens with me. Meh i am paranoid in nature. Last night was amazing. Lisa stole my finch wristband! Damn Her! I hope something happens between us. I just don't know why i am worrying as always. Graham is happy which is great. It makes me happy when other people are happy. Everyone seems happy at the moment. Lisa mentioned something that kinda settles my worries last night. Her Ex Boyfriend went with her best friend on her birthday and left her. She harrased him and annoyed him so much. Then she said 'Bear that in mind' which i think means that there will be something. Im just babbling again. Just happy for once, it feels so nice. The pain in my head and in my stomach is gone. My arms dont hurt anymore. Nothing does. We should be meeting up on tuesday. Have to organise it with her. Can't wait.

I hope my worst fears don't come true. I would be so hurt if i was only a one night thing that would piss me off.

Sometimes i wonder if its me thats the problem. Sometimes i believe it.

~x~

A Glimmer Of Hope

2004-10-22T23:02:22Z

Today was great...

Just got home from Alex's leaving party, which i was thinking of not going to. It was amazing. Seeing Graham again (Yay) and Jimmy again. All my old friends. That was good. The best thing of the night was Lisa. We were dancing together for over an hour and then we kinda kissed. It was great. It was amazing i actually felt like i was wanted and liked for once. Actually happy, i had forgotten what that had felt like. I will ring her tommorrow and see how she is. Graham making suggestions is annoying but funny lol. He knows what i mean. Feh im in a happy mood now. The happiest ive been in ages. All my problems i forgot about tonight. I have always flirted with Lisa but never thought anything would happen (I have low self confidence) But now it has im relieved. I can't wait to meet up with her again. Meh i sound so pathetic.
Anyway much love to Graham for making me laugh as always

~x~

Hear one thousand voices, Hear one thousand screams

2004-10-17T20:43:04Z

Well as you can see another bitch at my livejournal.

Life sucks, why can't i be happy for at least a small ammount of time. What have i done so wrong? I am so lonely. All my friends live around romford. I have no one to hold me when i feel grey, no one to comfort me when im down. No one to understand me fully.

Have been at France for 4 days. It was boring. Will be going to Alex's party next friday so i will see everyone again. That will be cool.

Family sucks. My dad is back in Jail AGAIN for stealing off of his Mother and Brother. I wear the ring he gave me always and i don't know why. Was the one thing he gave me. Home life is ok but not good. Its gotten better over the last few days.

Why am i so alone?
So alone...

Much Lub to Graham

2004-09-27T19:16:46Z

If ever i am feeling crappy and shitty. I speak to either two people who cheer me up. One of them is Graham and the other is Kayleigh. Both have different attitudes :) Graham is placid, whereas Kay is aggressive. Tonight i owe everything to graham. He makes me laugh when im crappy. A great friend. Kay your great too. They always make me laugh and make jokes in fucked up situations. I would honestly be dead without them. Those type of people you need to keep with you. Well its fucked up as usual. Im lonely, Im thrown to the side and trampled on and poked with ikkle sticks untill my arms fall off. But i bounce back. I have had many setbacks in my life and i owe everything to people like Gray and Kay (Alliteration!!!!!1!) seriously i do. I would trust my life with which is more than i could say for some people. Sure ive made some wrong decisions in my life but do i deserve what some people put me through?

Jamie
-x-

Im going down in flames.

2004-09-23T16:39:45Z

I haven't updated in a while so i am now.
I am annoyed
I am pissed off
I am envious
I am distressed
I am lonely
I am nothing...

Started college its ok. Met a few new people. Not great but ok, missing some old friends and they know who they are. I am going to blink 182 in december and i am looking forward to it but its a long way away and i don't know if i can get there without breaking down and falling apart. People playing with my emotions as usual, the same old shit. I need somone here with me. To guide me to help me. No one answers my call. On the outside im all happy, acting like everything is fine. On the inside i am burning, hurting. Everything passes, nothing can stay forever so i don't know whats going to happen in the future but i hope its much better than this. My birthday is Sunday week and for some reason i haven't thought about it much and not really bothered its just another year in my life flown by. Anyway i shall stop blabbing. No one will read it anyway.
I HATE a certain person and wish she would die and get burnt so she could stop hurting people the bitch.

Jamie
~x~

Lace me up, lace me up
I'm still looking for these angels in the snow.